What to Say When a Coworker Vents to You About Work Constantly

There’s a version of being a good coworker that involves listening to frustrations. There’s another version that turns you into someone’s unpaid therapist, and you end up carrying stress that isn’t yours. The second version is unsustainable.

The Gradual Shift

These dynamics rarely announce themselves. They start with one conversation, then another, then it’s just how things are. By the time you realize how much of your workday is being consumed by someone else’s frustrations, there’s also some guilt attached to wanting to change it.

The Redirect

“That sounds really frustrating. I hope it gets better. I have to get back to this thing I’m on — catch you later?”

When the Redirect Isn’t Working

“I want to be honest with you because I like working with you — I’ve noticed I’m not always the best support when it comes to this stuff, and I don’t want to leave you thinking I’m a good outlet if I’m not. I hope you’ve got other people you can talk to about this.”

You’re not saying “stop talking to me” — you’re saying you’re not the right person for this, which is kinder than just becoming unavailable.

Your Work Relationships Are Yours to Protect

Supporting a struggling colleague is generous. Absorbing their stress indefinitely is not a job requirement. You’re allowed to be a kind coworker and a limited one at the same time.